SETTING GOALS & HUNTING HOUSES.

Should there have been a hashtag in that title? Lately I've been seeing a lot of #relationshipgoals and #friendship goals and what not. For the most part it's a little bit dumb, littered with images of friends doing cartwheels, peace signs, kissing in painfully awkward positions or holding hands whilst driving (I've never really understood the appeal of dying in a car accident because I was a fuck head trying to imitate a meaningful relationship, but whatever, a lot of popular things have never really appealed to me. Except David Bowie.)

Anyway, as cringeworthy as these things can be, it's imperative not to overlook the highly important underlying elements of not just setting #goals, but also having a mental #image for what these #goals will look, feel, smell, taste like. Lately I've been living more consciously as well as working to become a vibrational #match #for #my #desires. I'll stop immediately with the hash tags.

If you're uncertain what becoming a vibrational match for what you want could mean, I found the greatest explanation in Erin Pavilina's blog ( http://www.erinpavlina.com/blog/2011/05/how-to-become-a-vibrational-match-for-your-desire/ .) Where she gives some great metaphors and simple steps you can take in your everyday to basically get to where you want to be, contrary to some spiritual blogs, she's refreshingly relatable with the right amount of sass, plus her killer humour is a bonus.

Speaking of conscious decisions, I have just made a great leap forward in my life and somewhat resolved a situation that I'd been turning a blind eye to for months. Basically, I was sexually assaulted by my housemates friend who would visit and stay with us at least once a month sometimes with his long term girlfriend, sometimes without. Without going into details, I was in too much shock to really do anything at the time, so sought advice from family and friends who basically advised me to not say anything to avoid 'rocking the apple cart' and I feared not being believed, having trouble finding somewhere else to live etc. In the end I approached one of my housemates who gave a pretty anticlimactic and unimpressive response (she might have been just as shocked, who knows?) I decided it was time to bring this chapter of by life to a close. To be honest, I think I would have moved out if her response was anything other than 'Holy shit, I can assure you he's never coming over again' but whatevs, time to move into a household that fosters a safer environment and learn from my own mistakes of panic and silence. I can talk about it in more detail/offer advice/support to anyone who has/is going/gone through similar situations as this is a culture that does tend to victim shame and make it perpetually difficult for people who have gone through things like this so speak up. It's unfortunately as important as it is commonplace.

But in regards to share housing: there is such an abundance of options all over Melbourne that the process of finding another can be both nerve wrecking & overwhelming -only because I believed it to be- it was. However, a rad friend let me know that her housemate was moving out. Could this be it? Will I not have to subject myself to the painstaking process of writing an interesting but not too pretentious little bit about myself; waiting to be contacted; attending interview after interview only to find out someone else was just that little bit more likable. Maybe that was a gross exaggeration. But still. I always thought job searching and house hunting were tied for tediousness. However, with a new revelation at the forefront of my mind, I have decided house hunting is worse. Only because when you're rejected it feels more personal, 'There was someone more qualified for the position' makes you feel way better than 'We wanted to live with someone who was better than you in every way possible, also your hair is tacky and we hate you.'

Like, I know that's not what they say to your face, but I'm almost certain it's what their thinking.

Back to goals though, I'm always a fan of numerology even if it's as simple as your lucky numbers appearing in the right place at the right time for example: I was very nervous about seeing a dietitian this one time, I was far more reassured when I saw that her office number was 22 and it turned out to be a super fruitful experience (hahahapunhaha.) Another time I was at the airport and my luggage was something like 4 or 5 kg's overweight. I couldn't put it through the self service. I noticed above the sales desk I was called to was 3, she ignored the overweight bag and checked me in - Saved $100 - Holy shit yeah. Some people choose not to believe it, which is cool too, whatever works. But noticing synchronicity in my life and never taking anything for coincidence has always served me extremely well and never lead me astray.

I'll also be posting more on my YouTube channel, so feel free to send me further questions for that to my instagram: dolldahlia  or comment below.

Feel free, Do free, Be free
xx The Dolldahlia (apparently.)

I'm modelling (again!)

Hey babes, just wondering how you're all doing after I abandoned you? I know there's probably a lot of questions. I'm here to dry your eyes, slap your thighs make some memories. Because that's what life is all about. Thigh slappin' and memory makin'. It's not like I fully abandoned you either. In actual fact, I was lurking for 6 months. Checking my stats. Making a tonne of new blog posts but not actually posting them. Let's pretend there's nothing sad about that, shall we?

What's that? Self doubt? Yes. It is in fact self doubt (gasp.) Which is especially hard to admit after making an entire post about self doubt that has helped a number of friends and anonymous lovelies from the dark recesses of the internet. Feel free to contact me if you like anything I've written or don't or have that burning desire to know more. Yes, even you, Simon.

It's all good though, I've been listening to a lot of self help books on YouTube. Let's pretend there's nothing sad about that also. Can I just say Louise L Hay and Susan Jeffers are absolute gold.

Anyway, before we get too deep I thought I'd mention my return to the modelling world after a long hiatus. With no current portfolio or head shots to speak of, it seems the most logical solution would be to scour the internet in search of a talented Melbourne based photographer. And just like that, I have my head shots booked and I'm feeling anxious fantastic! I'll keep you updated on my journey as I go along of course.

Most of the reasons I chose to take a break from modelling were creepy photographers, sleazy management, poor body image and crippling self doubt. Unfortunately these things are all too common not only in this industry but for people in general, particularly women. I think I would be doing the world and myself a disservice to simply give up on pursuing my dreams and doing things that make me happy. I'll go into detail about these things another day, but for now we can celebrate this first step!

After head shots I can't wait to get into everything from pinup and rockabilly to fetish and fantasy, maybe even some cosplay.

While I'm feeling so cheery, I'll say one of my most valuable features would be my tits versatility and ability to adapt. It has helped me through life tremendously and probably the reason I'm not rocking back and forth in the corner of an insane asylum. Let's be real, that's probably because of my ability to save face. But really... being versatile has gotten me numerous jobs, friends and unique experiences. This quality only continues to serve me as an entertainer, actor and now model. So be versatile, even if it's only a little bit.

Burn bright babes, burn bright xx
(and stay versatile)

-DahliaDoll

Behind the Screen.

Recent

Who is this chica? Why is she writing these absurd, insightful and insignificant blog posts you may ask? Well let me sort of tell you and also apologize for previous abhorrent spelling mistakes and some absolutely inexcusable grammatical errors. You see I write most of these late at night and in order to avoid anxiety-related procrastination of actually posting (So I will go ahead and fix all of those filthy errors right up... And also probably make way more in this post.)

Now, back to business. I'm just a wild little lady who loves living and also the internet (like holy shit, I fucking love the internet.) I do this by giving up what no longer serves me, seeking my highest potential and greatest power but also somehow manage to live by swinging from one existential crisis to the next while simultaneously not ever giving a single fuck about anything or anyone but also caring way to deeply for my fellow human and experiencing crippling anxiety. It's confusing, erratic, wildly inconsistent, magnificently rewarding and I'm here to document it.

I think a bit about me is long overdue, I spend my time jetting between a tiny rural town in the Northern Territory for film school and living in the most vibrant city in Australia- Melbourne. During my home time in this beautiful city I have been attending as many gigs as my body will permit, and I'll start posting about them so prepare your mind for that.

Body modification, another of my passions, In my life I have had countless piercings, stretched many of those tight little holes (heh) and don't plan on stopping any time soon. I used to get a lot of anon questions on tumblr regarding piercings and am currently a member of the Church Of Body Modification. Hook suspension is another thing I've had a long term interest in, as well as tattoos. I find a lot of people are surprised to discover that I don't have any tattoos and there's a stupid little story behind it, maybe I'll definitely post about it some time. Maybe when I run out of ideas. Maybe that's now. Maybe it's not. Maybe you don't know me. Maybe you don't know what I've been through. Maybe I don't need your judgemental face imposing on my fabulous life. Maybe I do. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe stop now.

Plans for tattooing have been stunted due to commitment and some rediculous anxiety dreams regarding fucked up tattoos and regret- I don't even believe in regret, how could this be?! Maybe, just maybe I should have gone through with those home job sugar skulls on my feet when I was fifteen. But OOOHHH WAIT, THEY BECAME REALLY POPULAR A FEW YEARS AFTER and I hate to be that 'I liked it before it was cool' person. But maybe that's who I really am. Secrets out, I like to think I'm authentic.

I'm also a burlesque dancer, currently looking to put together a show in Melbourne and move to LA some time around 2017. Fiercefiercefierce.

 I've noticed more of a following with this blog, so I guess I better start doing shit. Doing more shit. Doing better shit. Creating a better world one piece of content at a time. But I guess we'll just have to wait until I have a decent camera before I can display some quality pictures of my adventures and vlogs.

You are more than welcome to come along for the ride if you can relate to this on a deeply spiritual level, wish to study me in the name of science or all of the above, come on it will be fun!

Doubt Monster

I'll admit it... I've been stagnate and not for the reasons you may think. Okay, maybe I have been  Not sure about the big hiatus, it's taken a toll and I know you've all missed me. In all honesty I have missed you too. I miss this. Just what we have going on here, you know? It just feels so right.

But what I have been brought here to tell you today is not whether or not you should be vaccinating your children, nor the strange lack of all the good flavours of skittles and most assorted candy. I'm here to expose something rather ugly. To rip this monster out of the shadows and shame him where he stands. Who is this daft fiend? This Heinous villian? We've all know him and most people are still rather well acquainted with the doubt monster. Hiding in the back of your mind. Discouraging you from reaching for the stars, embracing your true power and coming into your own.

Doubt can manifest in many ways, particularly when it has been taught from a young age and you've been conditioned to doubt yourself. Right now my doubt has come from a series of changes I've undergone and feel doomed to repeat unless I grow a pussy and learn to embrace this new direction, make some decisions and stick to them. Shouldn't be that hard, right? So why do I feel like I'm in this endless limbo between about to make a decision and being sick to the stomach to make it in case it's wrong/not the absolute best I could be making, but not sure what the absolute best could be/fear that I won' be good enough.

Well for anyone else experiencing this, all I have to say really is What are you so scared of? After you gone through the exhaustive mental list of the why you aren't good enough it helps a bit to respond with fuck it and What do I feel like right now? Like right this second in your current circumstances (or in ideal circumstances, what can't be overcome?) what do you want more than anything? I feel like that can be easiest. All the unnecessary falls to the side and the truth can be seen with crystal clarity. Personally, I try to be true no matter what the cost. Sometimes our vision get a little clouded.

Just now I had been on the phone to a trusted friend whom I confided in to express the doubt clouding my vision. One, of which was my ability as a medium. Shortly after the conversation, I had the opportunity to give some guidance to a woman through a sort of mini reading online and I was absolutely dead on, with the few pieces of info and guidance I had to offer and I almost didn't do it due to my own self doubt and restrictions I had been imposing on myself. Maybe this post will be far more significant that a string of words on a single blog, within an eternity of content that is the internet, maybe this can be the first formal agreement with myself, with the readers self, to no longer let the monster doubt cast a shadow on the life you've been blessed with.

I would tell myself that I'd continue to build my alternative modelling portfolio and burlesque dancing once I lost lost some more weight, that I'm not good enough to do tarot card readings professionally, that I'm generally not talented enough to write or continue my blog and that I should cancel my plans to move to L.A. because people are trying to dim my light thinking it'll make theirs shine brighter. Fuck that, no more.

I've always been so sure of myself and rarely dignified negative comments from others by allowing it to fill up my thought space, so why now? Just because I decided I didn't want to be a scientist and now seeking the life of an entertainer, performance artist and writer? Leave the sociopaths to their lonely, crippled mentality; We are now free!

Quick! run, scheme, believe, have faith. I've got my eye on you (Not really, I trust that you can effectively fulfill your hopes and dreams without a merciless tyrant keeping watch.)

Thanks for listening, stay tuned and be humble my pretty starbabies. XxXx

Late Night Philosophy

You can be happy.

You have power over your emotions.

This world is yours.

Stay happy.

No circumstance is so great you cannot overcome it.

Do not let those coming from a place of fear have dictatorship over your life.

Seriously, just be happy and stop living in fear. I cannot stress to you how important that is.

Your mind is your own. Don't let it go to waste. No one else is going to be you. You're the best little dude for the job.

Spread your wings and fly free fatherfuckers. . .  Ahem. I just realised that we're floating through space right now, weird.

This is how I like to picture the world. Makes me feel stable. Also this turtle looks regal as fuck,

One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Like she  gives a flying fuck.

I Fought The Claws

Here they are! The super awesome claws I grew last night. I feel like I always go back to classic red claws. However I'm not sure that I will be able to work with them? See below: A graph I prepared earlier of the amount of fucks I give about this fact.

Data concludes that zero fucks were given at this particular point in time and probably for all of eternity.

You know what? I really think that poorly drawn graph was too much. 

But seriously, getting your nails done is one of the greatest things ever, it's like therapy. Because A) This salon is bloody marvelous! so unlike the hairdresser (I'll get into that another time) I'm not shooting dagger eyes at their every move which (if we're honest with ourselves) is very exhausting *pouty face.* B) It's a nice feeling when someone else is meticulously working away to make your hands look like sex. 

But seriously, the dynamic is so different compared to those you interact with on a regular basis. Probably because your paying for a job and paid to do the job, for them... There really is no escape :} They also aren't tied to anyone else in your life. You can talk pretty much without a filter about everything. 

Every time without fail, I go to my particular salon is an experience in itself. This time I gave my super good advice on telling someone you don't want to be their friend anymore; obtained the answers to random have you ever? questions and many more that shouldn't really be publicly broadcasted to those two people that read my blog (and to those two people; Thankyou; I'm sorry and leave me a comment, it's nearly my birthday.)

Also last time we watched videos of African circumcision and meditating monks carrying heaving loads tied to their testicles. The best.

Thanks for reading, ladies, gentlemen. Be the best humans you can be and maybe we can start a revolution Xx

Did I mention it's nearly my birthday? As you can see, can never get my natural nails long enough to file into claws. Cheers!

I Fought The Law

For Christmas, I received a bicycle. 

This afternoon I was riding that bicycle home from work.

The unspeakable happened.

I feel like a dumb cookie.

Apparently you're not allowed to ride your bike on the 'wrong' side of the road. 

Apparently riding on the footpath when you are above the age of 14 is 'illegal.'

Apparently it's also considered 'immoral' to masturbate on an airplane.

 This is not the Australia my great grandmother envisioned whilst waving goodbye to her daughter from Scottish shores for the youth of today.

But I seriously feel traumatized from this weak sauce experience. I was riding home on the wrong side of the road, when a police car drives past me. Slows right down and puts its little sirens on. Because they are loud as balls and most people's default reaction to police I feel is instant panic, I panicked. Thoughts racing through my brain, Why me? Why now? I'm too young to be incarcerated! Oh I'm a damn fool and everyone knows it! Festival season is coming up, I can't afford a ticket!

I was told to get in front of the car, then to come to the window. Basically, from what I can remember, I was told that riding on the wrong side of the road was illegal as well as riding on the footpath. Then he sent me on my merry way.

UPDATE: I didn't ride my bike for another 4 days. Still figuring out why I was so damn panicked. It may have something to do with an incident that happened when I was a child. Until next time, Live long and love freedom my stardust kittens! Xx

Sweet Wheels, now with pink tassels and rainbow spinning wheel.

The Eve of New Years Eve

I was sitting, waiting, wishing you believed in superstition... 

Now that I have managed to grab your attention through the powers of John Butler, here's the real shit. 

I was working and somehow as my magical mind somehow wandered off to monetary matters, the root of all evil. During my milkshake making infused daze, I pondered the small things that I felt the need to purchase. Festival tickets, a skateboard, car registration, acrylic nails, hair extensions etc. Then it hit me like a bloody brick right in my goddamn earhole. Like a thought sent from the heavens, I was having a revelation here! 

All I care about in my life is music and vanity.

Before you scoff and your screen and leave the blog post of this shallow idiot, let me explain... 

Of course I do care about more than those two beautiful thangs. I care about the wellbeing of our environment, I care about equality of humans and animals, my own personal spiritual awakening. In fact, I care far too deeply about far too many things.

It's just when my energy and time is converted into dollars, after those dollars are spent on the car, the rent, food & bills etc. I aim to spend my cashmoney or disposable income on those two categories.

I'm glad I've got that off my chest. After years of people telling me all I care is piercings, hair and makeup; I can finally say: Yes I fucking do! and there's nothing wrong with that, jesus fucking christ. 

In conclusion, don't feel shallow or ashamed or whatnot be loud and be proud or quiet and  about what you like. Pursue it. Don't hide in fear. C e l e b r a t e your passions. Because they are apart of what makes you, you. No one else will be you. 

Let's never hide again.

Greetings babies, you look sterling!

There was once a mythical magical sorcerer who birthed a shining moonbeam with approximately 112 separate aspirations. I am that moonbeam. Watch the full frontal live action happen here only up close and personal. You're welcome babystars. Live long and shine bright motherfuckers.

I do things.

I meet people.

I also write.

Although imagining is what I do best.

Follow me on twitter

I have an instagram:  nitronurse  ~ mostly selfies.